The apple of God's eye

2012-01-25T20:35:00.002+08:00

Even when the world despises, reproaches, disappoints and does wicked things, my Lord is here to stay.

Why "I am just releasing my frustration/complaining to my close friends" may not be as saint as it sounds.

2012-01-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Ranting about someone on social media may cause the writer to be portrayed as someone who is impatient and intolerable compared to someone who rant to her good friends about her unhappiness with others but I beg to differ.

1. When you rant to your good friends, you reveal the names of the people you dont like. Thus, you slander people's reputation. We often bitch/gossip/talk bad about people we don't really know, thus you slander people's reputation even further. Don't try to make yourself look saint by saying "I'm just releasing frustration by telling my good friends" when the impact is far beyond that.
2. Whenever you see the person you don't like, you will act on your disdain for the person and go on and on about your bitching to your friends. This is worse than a one-off rant on social media. In fact, this becomes bullying.
3. If you bitch/"release frustration to your good friends" whom are also very close to the person you don't like, you intentionally influence people's opinions and sow discord between relationships. This is malice. Compared to a rant on social media platform where the reader chose to be the audience, you select your target audience by making sure that your rants have influenced people's relationships. If you bitch about the people you dont like to people that dont know the person, you effectively cause disdain for these two parties who could have been friends. That is malice too.
4. Thus, the person may appear kind and saint on the outside and on social media, but is effectively conducting acts that shouldn't be condoned. This is scarier. Thus, we should not trust rumours and biased perceptions.

Everytime we hear someone speaking bad about another person, question the authenticity of the content, the context of the dispute, the whole matter from the start and question the intent of the person by telling you all these.

Why I left my previous church after being there for 5 years

2012-01-12T17:39:00.000+08:00

"You see the problem with religion is it never gets to the core. It's just behaviour modification like a long list of chores."

It's one thing to preach against religion and being religious, it's another thing to practise what you preach.

In God's name

2012-01-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am not scared cause God is holding my hand.

Though I may stumble but I will not fall.

Though I go through trials and tribulations, I shall rejoice in it for they make me stronger in character and more like God.

Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Even when all hope seems gone, hold onto God because God is capable of anything. Anything. Anything that you think is impossible. When you take a step towards God, God takes 10 000 steps towards you.

Embracing 2012 :)

2012-01-07T15:40:00.001+08:00

I had a good start to the year and I foresee a fruitful year with bountiful harvest that will exceed my expectations. :)

However, I also wish that for my 2012, that crazy girl will not continue to gossip about me and sow discord at every opportunity like she had done in the past. Unfortunately, we are in the same university so even if you can't change your ways or your disdain for me, kindly don't make it so obvious till the moment I step into The Reading Room, you and your friend(whom I don't even know) have to stare straight into my eyes continuously till I walk out of the room. (Happened when I was in year 1) I can't lip read but apparently, you are gossipping again. I know you love to stare at me, back in those few years and even now in university. I cannot stop you nor your hatred for me so I guess you may do what you please. Frankly, I know over 200 people in my school and none is as crazy as you. (After all, you have gossipped about me for half a decade!) Anyway, I need such people in my life to grow stronger in God and strive harder so God bless you!

You are the man of my dreams

2012-01-06T22:15:00.004+08:00

Great start to 2012.
Rejoice for the many years till eternity.

How do you feel when you read this?

2012-01-06T17:34:00.002+08:00

"Now instead of learning about God’s word, parishioners attend services simply to compare clothing with one another and gossip about others not current in their midst."

2012-01-02T04:59:00.001+08:00

I have self-respect thus I fight back. It’s not pride. It’sself-respect.

Being aware of how stupid an average person is! A person's dressing does not define them. It is who they are inside.

2011-12-28T03:06:00.000+08:00

Being aware of how stupid an average person is! A person's dressing does not define them. It is who they are inside. It applies to other issues, not just applicable to homosexuality.

Mind-boggling

2011-12-27T17:13:00.003+08:00

I was htht-ing with my friend and I was reminded of this incident again. Our brain has an amazing way of making us remember stuff from the past suddenly.

Once there was this girl that told me that she didn't want me to mix with this particular guy friend of hers because she wasn't clear of my character. (Which is an obvious lie because she knew my existence for more than a year so just admit that you didn't like me, rather than not knowing me well enough. Common sense. You won't know anyone well at all until you get to know them for a few years. So what is your point?) I have no idea why she made it sound so self-righteous and the pastor agreed with her on the spot. I was stunned and baffled by the words thrown at me. Isn't it ridiculous how you are only someone's friend and yet you want to control another person's circle of friends? You are neither the mother or girlfriend. Am I supposed to let you judge my character before I pass the 'test' to be your friend's friend? Are you God? Where is the logic?

Why did I allow myself to go through this nonsense back then?

God gave me a good memory and probably smart enough to analyse things. I am not someone who blindly follows and agrees instead of questioning matters and standing up for what I think is right. Rather than insisting that you are the protagonist and another is the antagonist, shouldn't you reason things out and put yourself in another person's perspective?

This is for you

2011-12-20T02:53:00.002+08:00

When you love someone but you still hurt the person because of your flaws and you cant help it. When those flaws are a part of you and anyone who loves you has to love your strengths and your flaws too. When you do hurtful things and say hurtful words because you are hurt too. When all these happen, just know that I love you and will always go the extra mile for you.

Whom shall i fear?

2011-12-10T02:42:00.000+08:00

2011-12-08T23:39:00.001+08:00

How do I lookto God in EVERYTHING I do? Not just because I am happy and things are goingwell and I want somebody to thank. Not just when things are tumultuous and youjust want someone to place your hopes in. Not just when you are losing hope andyou hope that you can have a reason to garner faith. Not just when you arebored or nothing more important to do and then you decide to look to god. Like doyou, in every single thing that you do, ask yourself if Jesus would do the samething if He was in your situation???????? If not, then everything that you dois probably a lie. I think some of us look to God only to fill a part ofemptiness inside us, like because we crave for some sense of belonging, that webelong to a greater entity, that we are not who we see we are, that we aregreater than that. We believe because we want something to believe in.

The "A" that Got Away

2011-11-24T19:12:00.000+08:00

I LOVE the SARCASTIC "APOLOGY" in this video. HAHAHA. Reminds me of the sarcastic "apology" I wrote on my blog a few years ago.

2011-11-19T13:25:00.001+08:00

I was like brushing my teeth this morning and then sth happened in e past came to my mind again. Haha. Our mutual friend wanted to say hi to me but this girl whom detested me pulled him back and said don't talk to her. Our mutual friend den replied, Don't like that and then said Hi to me. Her reason for restricting her friends to be my friends was bc "I don't know her character well enough." Ya whatever. Ok that's all. Just remembered suddenly. ^_^ This is just one small incident compared to the rest though. On a side note, seeing all my friends on Twitter talking about exams really sends the jittery feelings and chills. :( Bell curveeeeeeee!

Psalm 23

2011-11-16T19:11:00.001+08:00

Based on the statistics, there are still quite a few who read this pretty-much-abandoned blog(Probably my haters). Here is something for you anyway! Not sure who is the original author though!

Psalm 23
(REVISED STUDENT VERSION - RSV)

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not flunk.
He keepeth me from lying down
When I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water
cooler for a study break;
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grade’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley
Of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown;
For thou art with me.
My prayers and my friends
They comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in
Moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with
questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations,
And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever.
Amen!

Why do people leave you?

2011-11-14T20:36:00.001+08:00

"You can't blame someone for walking away if you didn't do anything to make them want to stay."

Apt.

No need to do that. Peace peace :))

2011-11-08T21:43:00.003+08:00

I know you are afraid of karma but I find it pretty amusing that you've got your boyfriend to block me on Facebook. :O I'm fine with you now. It's not like I'm gonna pm him and tell him all those things I've found out about you or what. Btw, I only found out cause someone was bitching and asked me to go to his profile and I realized I can't. Peace alright!! I have absolutely no hard feelings against you anymore. 0%!

We were (are) of the same batch

2011-10-26T23:34:00.004+08:00

The awkward moment when you remember people of your age and older who might be your subordinates in the future simply because you are graduating from university earlier than them or you have a higher degree than them.

The awkward moment when you are in the same class with someone in university, taking the same course and being in the same batch, but you know that in the near future, this person might be earning so much more than you because his resume and CV is so much better than yours.

Shocked once more

2011-09-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

Damn joke. This person is damn joke.

This is why I am so skeptical about these "enthusiastic" christians who always pop by once in a while to talk to you and ask how are you and say they have missed you, probably trying to fulfill their so-called "duties" to be a "good christian" by showing love and all that.

Really?
You can tell me you think god has great plans for me and that i would have a bright future but for the past few years, everytime you converse with me, you would ask where i am studying.

Seriously? You don't even remember which school I am studying and you can bullshit me that you think god has great plans for me? Oh like duh, that's a used phrase for anybody, I know. I know God has plans for everyone but don't act all personal if you simply aren't. Don't bullshit me that you missed me. Dear God, save me. You tell me you missed me but can't even click on my facebook profile to see what school I am studying so you won't piss me off asking me the millionth times where i'm studying? Really?

2011-09-12T19:25:00.001+08:00

I lead a life that many hope to have. I have the things that many would die to get. I have so much potential in me and there are so many things about me that people admire and want to achieve. I am happy.

2011-08-12T19:20:00.001+08:00

Despite wearing contact lenses for years and of different brands with not much of a problem, this brand's contact lens suck! I will never buy again!

2011-08-07T18:12:00.001+08:00

http://www.carelinks.net/books/dh/mm/7-4-1Gossip_In_The_Church.htm

2011-07-26T15:57:00.000+08:00

2011-07-26T00:54:00.002+08:00

I used to hold high expectations of the people around me.
I used to hold expectations of my friends, of people who share my beliefs, of people were nice to me.

I used to think people were nice to me because they wanted to be nice to me.

But gradually I learnt that niceness is nothing more than a gesture, closeness is nothing more than a temporary relief for loneliness and love is nothing more than an attempt to cover up for emptiness.

Don't envy those who look blissful now, because 3 years ago, all those who were blissful are pathetic now.
Don't envy those who look glorious 10 years before, because right now, their pitiful lives are nothing to be envious about.

Try not to be too tough, try not to seek revenge, try not to talk bad about people like as if they have commited heinous crimes against you.

You may be on the top now, but you won't always be.

Don't keep people by your side for fear of loneliness. You never looked up to them anyway.

Largely my consensus as well......

2011-07-15T17:38:00.001+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/notes/james-chronicle/stupid-is-as-stupid-does/10150405498050335

2011-07-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

2011-07-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

Can't wait to go NBS FOC as SENIOR ATTACHED with awesome ppl and go BKK with UNI MATES!! :)

Love Nanyang Biz Sch :DD

2011-07-07T00:40:00.001+08:00

But I wasn't interested in your opinion...............

2011-05-26T02:30:00.001+08:00

Cristo, puede mover montes,
Solo Dios puede salvar,
Mi Dios puede salvar,
Por siempre, autor de salvación,
Jesús la muerte venció,
Él la muerte venció

Leann Rimes-how do i {WITH LYRICS}

2011-05-20T16:14:00.000+08:00

Summer Break 2011 Part One

2011-05-19T18:55:00.005+08:00

2011-04-22T00:37:00.001+08:00

http://myra.lifewithchrist.org/category/picturemythoughts--Myra%20Johnson.html

2011-04-17T12:11:00.000+08:00

You can click with anybody, but not everybody possesses the right mix of character you want your friend to be.

2011-04-14T16:51:00.001+08:00

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss,
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger:
But O, what damnèd minutes tells he o'er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!

2011-04-11T22:29:00.001+08:00

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHTS TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE.

2011-04-11T22:27:00.001+08:00

IF YOU ARE ENFORCING YOUR RIGHTS, THEN BY ALL MEANS DO IT AND NO WAY YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.

2011-04-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I keep quiet not because I am okay with it, but because I don't think you deserve any ounce of respect from me.

I have decided to follow Jesus

2011-04-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

2011-04-06T21:34:00.002+08:00

Whoever you are, no matter what has happened till date, just know that, at the time when I was nice to you, during those very moments, I was genuine to you.

The feelings were genuine, the smile was genuine and the sweetness in my voice was genuine.

Notwithstanding the events that occurred after that.

2011-04-06T17:24:00.001+08:00

How can someone like you understand someone like me

2011-04-05T12:42:00.002+08:00

I came to realize one day, after so many chains of events, that no one will accept me the way i am and still think i am good enough for them. That I can get all the love I desire and you still think I deserve it, no matter what.

I came to realize that I should only be wanting my own approval.

This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story

Narrator: As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren't routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.
Summer: I've never told anybody that before.
Tom: I guess I'm not just anybody.

Summer: Summer: We're just friends.
Tom: Tom: No! Don't pull that with me! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!

Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.

McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Summer: Really?

McKenzie: Nope.

Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–

McKenzie: Break it down!

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!

Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?

[she scoffs]

Tom: What?

Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

This is lies. We are liars. Think about it. Why do people buy cards? It's not because they want to say how they feel. People buy cards because they can't say how they feel or are afraid to. And we provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. Or at least let them speak for themselves. Right?

2011-04-03T22:50:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had someone who understands you inside and out and sometimes they even startle you when they understand things about you you didn't even know?

Have you ever had someone who can provide you with all that you want or need but only asking little in return?

Someone who meets your thirst for intellectual debate, who meets your need for emotional outbursts, someone who you can totally be yourself with?

Someone who knows and judges you but stays by your side anyway?

Someone who cares to protect your pride and ego under all circumstances?

You think it's too ideal to have someone like that. All of us have weaknesses and strengths. Some of us do have such capacity to embrace, that, is their strength.

I have met someone like that.
I had.

Someone said this to me. "In XXX, you will have a lot of friends, though none you are close to." How true it is, except that I think it applies to everyone, everywhere.

I would prefer searching for people I genuinely want to be with forever than settle for anything less than the best.

And I am talking about friendships by the way.

Everything can only be ascertained and tested after the test of time.
Few had, but for these few, their value is certainly higher than that of rubies.

happiness would lose its meaning without sadness.

2011-03-28T15:54:00.000+08:00

happiness would lose its meaning without sadness.

and that i may just fall apart like that

2011-03-27T14:34:00.001+08:00

Unrealistic Expectations

2011-03-21T16:38:00.002+08:00

I have such shallow dreams.
But how can you gauge the importance of anyone's dreams by the sheer measure of the society's view of what's shallow and deep.

I feel obliged to have big dreams.
Yet my dreams are small, confined only to my imagination. My imagination though vast, is limited to only what the world can offer me.

I wish to have the temerity to overcome. I wish to have fearlessness. For what is inside you will be expressed outwardly.

My dreams though small and shallow in your eyes, hold much deeper meanings for me. They represent such thousand petty insecurities yet also amplify the resilience to fight despite the fears inside of me. They represent humans giving in to society's expectations, yet also signify our abilities to exceed them.

My dreams represent me but will I one day represent my dream?

2011-03-17T18:58:00.003+08:00

I used to depend a lot on my parents.
Everything, from the smallest of all issues like going to a dentist to major issues in life, there is not a thing I needed to worry about.
As I grow up, I learnt to take things into my own hands and reduce my dependency on anyone else. I would like to believe I am hardier and more resilient than other individuals. I do what I need to do, do what I have to do, to better my life, with or without anyone's help.
This does not mean that I am independent, it just means that having people by your side is good, but I won't die without you. This means that I have grown to be even more sure of myself, what I want and who I am. I need not look to anyone for approval or acknowledgement. I can let go of whoever and whatever that doesn't benefit me. I can tear away photos and throw away gifts without hesitation or regret. I know when people have crossed the line and I know how to cut people out of my life.

I am stronger than you think.
I can make decisions on my own.

2011-03-13T18:19:00.001+08:00

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AKA WEAR YOUR SCHOOL UNIFORM DAY --> NBS WEEK 2011

2011-03-01T17:50:00.001+08:00

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

2011-02-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

I believe that things don't work out, or break apart, in a split second, or in a day.

Indeed, what a difference a day makes.

Yet I believe that things eventually fall apart only because of the accumulation of small and seemingly insignificant events that occurred which allowed the subsequent _________.

Of course, things usually work out, not in a day or two, but through accumulation of events that enabled ________.

Just as Rome wasn't build in a day, neither is trust. Neither is results. Neither are sturdy relationships.

Every little thing contributes to it.

Take note of the small things my friend, they decide the outcome.

2011-02-15T02:09:00.002+08:00

Hello!

Things are rapidly changing as it has always been so as usual, I am making the best out of everything and try my best to keep up with reality versus ideal life in mind.

Surprisingly, I don't really have as many commitments that my peers have but it's quite mind-boggling how I seem to be so preoccupied even though I have no idea what I am preoccupied with.

Technically speaking, things were, and have been going well but I am far too forward-looking to say life is good the way it should be. I'm living in the present yet at the same time making sure I am prepared for the future and my future prepared for itself.

Any good blogs to read? I am deprived of a good read or anything of substantial entertainment value. But er no means of communication here. O well.

I was reminded a couple of days ago that my digi cam still exists.
Explains the lack of photos in my blog. Getting too used to my good looks to bother taking pictures anymore. KIDDING! Nowadays, photos don't mean so much to me anymore. It's like if it's significant, it's stuck in your head anyway. O well.

2011-02-09T17:37:00.003+08:00

I have never, at least not that I remember of any, felt that I just cannot lose that friend because he or she is just so special to me.

Like what my friends have said too many a time, I don't have a problem getting friends.

But sometimes you just meet people who are so awesome like that.

I feel happy. In NBS. :)

2011-02-06T15:13:00.001+08:00

Weiting Kwan says (15:13)
i was missing him this morning. he's one of e best kinda friend anyone can ask for. but i didnt tell him that last time bc i didnt want him to think i like him. HAHA

2011-02-06T15:01:00.001+08:00

2011-02-05T21:34:00.001+08:00

I can't solve my problems and it is killing me.

2011-02-05T16:43:00.001+08:00

Two-Face: The Joker chose ME!

Batman: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall

2011-01-31T01:10:00.002+08:00

When people reveal their vulnerable sides

It makes me want to love them so much more.

2011-01-29T01:40:00.001+08:00

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

2011-01-21T02:35:00.001+08:00

2011-01-20T22:36:00.001+08:00

2011-01-19T02:12:00.001+08:00

"I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away."

But I am not too sure if I want to trust the words of someone like Kurt Cobain.

2011-01-18T22:27:00.001+08:00

There are some people whom you just wanna give the best to.

I don't meet these kind of people often in life.

I don't always want to give all of me.

Yet sometimes remember, being good enough is not enough.

2011-01-18T16:05:00.002+08:00

1 Corinthians 13 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

1 Corinthians 13

Love: The Superior Way

1 If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love, (A)
I am a sounding gong (B) or a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have [the gift of] prophecy, (C)

and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,

and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains, (D)

but do not have love, I am nothing.

3 And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,

and if I give my body to be burned, [a]

but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient; (E) love is kind. Love does not envy; (F)

is not boastful; is not conceited; (G)

5 does not act improperly; is not selfish; (H)

is not provoked; (I) does not keep a record of wrongs;

6 finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; (J)

7 bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures (K) all things.

8 Love never ends. (L)

But as for prophecies, they will come

2011-01-18T11:54:00.000+08:00

"for the briefest instant, it almost feels like we're together again."

always have, always will.

2011-01-07T00:57:00.002+08:00

If getting rid of you could make our lives better, I will certainly do it. I don't like to get stuck in conflicts.

By the way, I read blogs because I have nothing to do. I read every blog that I know. It's not because I am interested in people's lives. It's just that I need a good read most of the time.

2011-01-07T00:38:00.001+08:00

The feeling of being misunderstood sucks. But then you know it's not important and so you get over it and move on.

2010-12-29T18:27:00.002+08:00

2010-12-24T02:40:00.003+08:00

Since the exams are over anyway, I'm free, thinking about stuffs, I guess Imma blog.

No pressure, even if you think this is about you. (Ironic this statement isn't it? How could you feel no pressure if you think the post is about you. Yet that's what you guys always say. "No pressure" when every action and word you say implies that.

I think people has this inaccurate mindset that if you blog about your past, you are undoubtedly stuck in it.
I hope you see that my (supposed) success is actually greater than yours even though we were at the same starting points. Hence, by no means do I need to stay in my past. Yet everyone's past is undeniably part of themselves. It's only right if we give it some attention it deserves.

I hate how I had to 'beg and plead', go through rounds of phone calls which seemed some sort of ''auditions'' and ''interviews'' in order to get your approval to be a part of your group like as if I am some sort of parasite or terrorist that could bring substantial harm and disaster to you and your fellow babies. When this whole thing was meant to be accepting and all-encompassing. Yet beneath my fears and struggles, I had to stand up, waiting to be accepted by you when I was already a victim of circumstances.

I hate how you seem to take every action ever so cautiously, tread softly and tip-toed, so careful to prevent me from being too-integrated for fear that my influence isn't positive, isn't beneficial for your goals and aspirations. Yes of course, everything must go according to your plan. Everything is only good and positive if it coincides with what you want. Your inaction and silence sometimes speak so loudly it indirectly manipulates.

You do deserve all the achievements you have and I think you are amazing in your own ways. But just because you have it all doesn't mean you have done it all right.

I wish you all the best, regardless.

Alright, wait till the next inspiration I have. I kinda like my past. So many stories to tell. Okay I'm done with relieving boredom.

2010-12-22T05:27:00.001+08:00

Dear 19-year-old self,

You are amazing.

Don't ever think otherwise.

People will tell you you suck, they will bring you down, but you wouldn't let them.

Don't drink and don't ever try. It sucks.

You will be so proud of yourself.

Club more while you can. While your friends still club. Don't be so eager to get the right friends. Sometimes you need the wrong ones. When we live so cautiously in our lives that we make no mistakes, we have undoubtedly failed by default.

Go against your parents. People will tell you otherwise. But you know you would be far worse listening to them. Most adults aren't right. I think they need to learn from kids.

Learn from kids. They teach you a hell lot of things you wished you knew. We know the most when we were young. But we ditched all these life principles to pursue what we want to pursue only to realize at the end of the day, we have always knew and found what we have always needed.

Don't listen to people. Don't believe them.

Most people don't mean what they say or say what they mean.

Don't look at couples. Most of them aren't in love. Those that are, meet problems, and their love will fade away. People will tell you otherwise but if you go deeper, you will realize they are just hoping for companionship.

Don't stay in love for too long.

Stay in love after a few years and then realized the love you have always had, was so shallow. Shallow indeed. Everything is once you snap out of it.

Don't look to other people. Most people are more childish and afraid than they appear to be. No one wants to show that. Including you.

Don't be stubborn. Sometimes you don't get what you want. But keep trying anyway.

Whatever people do, let them be.

The more they do irksome stuffs repeatedly, the easier it is for you to let go.

You don't need them anyway.

Don't be guilty when you are selfish.

We only have one life to live. Don't live for someone else or someone else's opinions. Nobody's worth it. It's nothing negative. It's just a fact. We all got to find what we want to do, what we love doing and keep doing it. Life's too short for regrets, and you are too beautiful.

Too short.

Life's too short.

To burn out than to fade away. I think you were right when you said that. It's better to burn out than to fade away. It's better to keep running than stuck there wondering and making things right.

Things don't always have to be right. Live through it and move on.

2010-12-18T16:19:00.001+08:00

PTL

Kiwi!

2010-12-16T10:59:00.000+08:00

omg i teared :(

2010-12-15T22:52:00.001+08:00

I may have made a mistake but you chose to walk away.
I did try to retain you back and I did think, for a few times, that my life would be better if you were around instead of X. I think you think that I pushed you away but it that wasn't my intention.

Just thinking.

2010-12-15T18:52:00.002+08:00

More often that not, the ones that I screwed up always ended up becoming the best parts and the ones I thought I nailed it ended up screwing me....

But today, I felt defeated halfway through the paper. Time management.

I could have break down there and then but I didn't. I realised I can't control or release my emotions like how I could anymore.

I try to believe that everyday marks a good day but there are so many things I just cannot control.

2010-12-13T18:32:00.003+08:00

And here we are, slashing each other's throats for the sheer glory, fame, reputation, career, money, all in the name of education and grades.

we cheat ourselves to believe that this is all that we need, if not, almost everything that we need, only to realise that other matters are more important when we grow older.

it seems, that we are beings built in order to regret. to follow the norms and then regretting it. and the whole cycle is went through by millions of people each year.

and here we are at the starting point, thinking we have arrived when we haven't, thinking that we are faraway when we are so near.

2010-12-10T18:35:00.003+08:00

I think it's true, I should be very happy in NBS. Great friends, nice hostel etc etc and occasional webcam/Skype with awesome person all the way from U.K. What's there not to love about life right now?

Apparently, I am on the right track.

Just need more faith.

2010-12-10T18:33:00.001+08:00

Good friend: Weiting sure get A wan

Positive or negative pressure?

Let's hope it is positive eh?

2010-12-07T14:13:00.001+08:00

I think who we are is what brings out what we have.

But what if the former has always been smaller than the latter and what we have is amplified such that it is intended to deceive

Except we all know that we cannot be larger than who we are

2010-12-07T14:09:00.002+08:00

What I miss is something I have never had, but always wanted.

And then to realise that everything I wanted was actually in me

I think

We spend too long chasing what we don't need

I am inclined to believe that what we want lies not in what we have but who we are.

But I am also inclined to believe that the world doesn't think the same way as me

I refuse to correct the errors. they don't make me speak louder than what have already been spoken.

2010-12-07T03:32:00.001+08:00

We used to fight battles together :)

2010-12-07T02:49:00.001+08:00

Point being I would never know if anything is worth it.

But I... do it anyway.

Countless times I wished I didn't, countless times I am thankful I did.

How were we to know, if this is worth everything?

2010-12-06T21:34:00.002+08:00

I hate to fight a war I have no confidence in winning.

I hate to feel, to feel, helpless. To feel I have absolutely no control of my life, my needs and wants.

I don't think I miss you but I do miss someone telling me what to do, someone older and wiser who can make me feel that I can be anybody I want to be

2010-12-06T21:32:00.001+08:00

I have no idea what to write, but I really want to write something.

I have no idea who to talk to, but I really want to talk to somebody; but not just anybody.

I know people are going to judge but Imma blog anyway, they judge like how they have been judged so I guess I should just let them.

I am not alone but it certainly feels like it.

I like to be alone but I don't like to feel alone.

I think I finally understand how it is like to really want something but not doing anything to achieve it. Of course we wish we are perfect, but it's easier said than done to devote all of your energy to what you really want, especially there are so many things you want at a time. We all do.

I know there are people who make efforts to be there for me but there's nothing you can do about it and if it is so, your effort, as much as it is comforting, is of no use.

I'm blessed with much and it can't be said that I am dissatisfied.
But the helplessness in me cannot be removed easily.
Perfectionist I am, but never perfect.

I wish there is someone who can be physically around to lift my burdens and help me lighten my load. Not just some deity in the skies or someone geographically faraway, emotionally or mentally faraway, but someone who can just be there.

Somebody; but not just anybody.
I dont want just anybody. Thanks, but no thanks.

2010-11-18T00:37:00.001+08:00

Great minds discuss ideas, small minds discuss people

2010-11-05T00:24:00.001+08:00

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called.
Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential;
not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world
to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. (NIV)

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh,
not many mighty, not many noble, are called.
But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise,
and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to
shame the things which are mighty; (NKJV)

1 Corinthians 1:26-27

2010-11-01T00:49:00.002+08:00

2010-10-28T04:49:00.000+08:00

As I move on down the path of life and progressively become wiser, it also dawned on me that it is getting increasingly harder to forge strong and long-lasting bonds as compared to before. After this phase of university education, I will be stepping into the workforce where things are more dynamic, work-oriented and even harsher than before. I just hope that whoever is still in my life, will stay. I've been through so many ups and downs with so many people, so many reconcilations and separations that I must say, it is starting to tire me.

I do intend to retain whoever is in my life right now for as long as I can. I don't expect the path downwards to be smooth-sailing, but I am certainly going to use a different life approach than before.

2010-09-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

2010-09-06T03:18:00.003+08:00

Standing at the edge......... of almost everything and every aspect of my life..............

University has yet to begin for me, though many would probably disagree with this.
I have had a taste of university life, and seemingly the start of adulthood, with all these OG outings, orientation activities and the never-ending administrative matters to attend to. I wouldn't say I am standing at the junction or at the cross-roads, but it certainly feels like it to me.

I didn't expect to feel this way like I do right now and this is somewhat strangely unfamiliar to me. Having almost predicted every feeling and situation beforehand for almost 2 decades of my life, the uncertainty that lies ahead of me is nerve-wrecking and oddly, heart-wrenching as I suddenly lost track of my inner world...

I wouldn't have expected I would find the familiarity and joy in studying Accountancy but I did. I was almost led into thinking that Law or FASS should be my choice; for a moment. Yet when I sank into the books, course outlines and what nots, the familiarity and the zest in me sprung up that left me feeling slightly warm and certain. Yet the churning of mixed feelings continued.......

I knew hostel life would not be easy and I have to do many things on my own but the greater workload and responsibilities not only left me feeling stranded and isolated, I grew tired of assuming these responsibilities. To think that life with my awesome roommate has yet to officially start. Thank God for my awesome roommate and that the pressures are mainly from myself than anyone else.

Pendra has been awesome. I never thought it would feel like this but I am genuinely feeling much closer to my og than I ever thought I would feel in such a short time span. Do not mind me but actually school has yet to officially start..................

Thank God for His unyielding faith, love and hope dwelling inside of me. It's really heartwarming. Moving on to the next chapter of my life wasn't as easy as I thought.

Till then!

With lots of love.

2010-08-31T15:18:00.003+08:00

I think the world is too eager to give us its sense of identity of who we are and the world has too many voices telling us what and who we should desire.

And I think we are too affected by what the world thinks.

2010-08-13T16:26:00.003+08:00

Change is more often than not, a good thing. But some human beings refuse to see it that way.

I think everyone should embrace change.

Maybe this pathway has always led you to happiness for years, but when life presents another road to a better future for you, shouldn't you choose what is best for you?

Interest changes...

Mindset changes. Perception changes.

Ideals change, too.

When I give, I give my all.

2010-08-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.

'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered,

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'